You will probably see a few posts on my fears regarding fostering, but this one is meant simply to put them out there. A little word vomit just for you. Yeah, that’s gross. But so fitting!
Since beginning this process, Jeff and I have faced many fears. We began this thinking we were just going to do foster babysitting. Then thinking we’d do respite care. Then, after the Lord continued to break our hearts for His children, we decided on foster to adopt. Along the way, we have had fears like these:
1. How will we afford it?
2. What will it be like if we have to give them up?
3. I don’t know anything about being a mom!
4. What do I do when I reach the point of “I have no idea what to do with this child!”
5. How will we explain to them some day where they came from?
6. If they happen to be a different color from us, how will people react, and how do I explain it to my children?
7. How will I comfort a child who doesn’t want to bond with me?
8. How will I know how to confront racism directed at my children?
9. Don’t laugh, but…I don’t know how to fix African American hair!
10. What if I lose my patience and get angry?
11. What if I can’t go home for Christmas because I’m not allowed to bring my kids?
You see, there are tons and tons more than these, but they generally cross my mind on a regular basis. And, they are all things that will most likely happen. Things to expect in this process. The amazing thing, though, is that the Lord has continually brought comfort to me when they do. He continues to remind me that it’s no about me, it’s about them. He is the great comforter, counselor, almighty God! He knows our fears, their fears, and everyone else’s fears. He is the great Healer and will help our children bond with us. He will heal us should we have to give the children up. He knows whose family those kids belong in, and He will get them there. With or without us! He is allowing us to be a part of his plan. To be a part of a child’s story of redemption. What a privilege and honor.
Notice that all of those fears have the word “I” in them. And, well. It all comes back to this for me: It’s not about “I” (me)!!!