With our licensing date quickly approaching, I’ve been thinking a lot. I mentioned before some of the fears I’ve had about becoming a foster parent. But, these thoughts are kind of different.
People keep asking me if I’m getting excited. This is a difficult question for me to answer. I mean, yes!! I’m totally excited about bringing in a little one into our house, but I don’t think it’s the same excitement I might be feeling if I had been carrying a child inside my belly for the past 9 months. I mean, we don’t have a themed nursery, decked out in pink our blue with the child’s name already hanging on the wall. We don’t even know how old the child will be! We don’t have car seats or strollers sitting in unopened boxes from our baby showers. I haven’t read a million pregnancy books, and I’m only just starting my first parenting book! AHH! I’m so behind! We don’t know the sex. We don’t know if it’ll be 1 or 2. We don’t know so many things that it’s been hard for me to anticipate anything. And if you know me, you know that’s extremely hard.
The thing is, I desperately want those things for my child. But why? Does the child care if the room is painted? Or if it is “boy” or “girl” themed? Does the child know that we scrambled around at the last minute buying the right sized car seats and strollers? No. The child needs the love of Jesus. The child needs touch, care, food, shelter, hugs, kisses, prayers, and did I mention love?
It’s hard to answer questions like “are you excited?” and “what do you think it’ll be like” and even “what do you need from me?” I just don’t know. The Lord is calling me to live by faith and not sight (or feeling). I do expect major growth through this. I know that God will grow me in the trials and triumphs we experience as parents, and I expect that my family grows too. God is mighty. He is powerful. He is big. He knows the sex, age, ethnicity, and number of children that will be brought to this house. The Creator of this world knows the details of my life. That is powerful, friends. Powerful.
So, while I prepare my house as best I can for the unknown, the Lord will prepare my heart for what He already knows. I rest in that tonight.