Well, friends. I have officially entered the “waiting anxiety” phase. Which, honestly, is really disappointing. I’m disappointed in myself today. I have been preaching to myself to trust in the Lord’s perfect timing. To rely on Him to place the children in our home that He has specifically picked out. To continue to pray for the Lord’s preparation and building of our marriage. To reveal His plan in His time. I made it a grand total of 6 days before I fell off the “trust” horse. Ugh.
Today was a little disappointing. We were presented with 2 possible children that could be placed in our home. In both cases, the agency or CPS decided to go with a different family. Instead of saying to myself “God’s timing is perfect” or “The Lord is in control”, I said, “what is wrong with us? how could this be? why aren’t we being picked?” My approval idol reared its ugly head. Lord, forgive me.
Tonight, I’m going to dwell in God’s timing and perfect plan for us. He is reminding me of His desire for me to trust and follow him. It is no mistake that those children are not in our home tonight. In His power, He knew they were not meant to be ours. I am remembering what I said in an earlier post. That the Almighty Creator of the Universe knows the hairs on my head, Jeff’s head, and our future child’s head. He knows exactly who they are. And I rest in that tonight.