Chippin' Away

Moving one day, one minute, one step at a time.

Is it just me? April 23, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — chippinaway @ 2:17 am

Wow.  This has been a really challenging week.  Jeff has been out of town for work since Sunday and I’ve been living the single mom life.  The Lord has been so faithful in providing friends to bring food and help with bath and various other things, but man.  Exhausted doesn’t seem to quite fit.

I’ve learned a lot this week and I’m hoping some of you other moms out there will varify a few things for me today!  I’m going to be completely honest with you and hope that I don’t sound like a mean mom.

Is it just me or are kids super annoying after bath?  I mean off-the-wall bouncing, running around crazy, won’t listen to a thing you say, make you want scream type of thing?  Is it super mean for me to think my kid is annoying sometimes???  Ah!  I feel so bad saying that!  Maybe it’s just the “no help with bath” talking, but man.  Worst time of the day.

Is it just me or does baby poop smell REALLY bad?  I mean, make you wanna gag type of bad.  Yuck.  Although I will pat myself on the back because I actually touched the poop today and didn’t almost vomit.  I call that progress.

Is it just me, or are you abolutely, completely exhausted as soon as the kids go to bed and can’t even imagine doing anything besides watching TV and eating icecream?  Chores Schmores!

Ok, and now the biggie.  Is it just me, or do you ever want a mommy do-over?  Today I want a do-over.  I was totally off my game today.  I let little things make me mad.  I was not patient.  I was not in tune to their needs.  I was selfish and just wanted the day to be easy.  I was reading in The Connected Child today about loving children from hard places.  Dr. Purvis (who is a wonderful adoption expert and Christian woman) discussed loving the children like 1 Corinthians says to.  Now, this “love” passage is generally, at least in my mind, for loving your spouse and other adults.  I don’t know why, but I’ve never thought about it applying to children.  The passage reads:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

I was not patient today with big dude kept spitting his milk.  I also was certainly resentful when they wouldn’t take naps even though they decided to get up at 5am and none of us had slept in days.  I was certainly insistant on my own way, which today seemed to be whatever was easiest and took the least amount of effort.  My love for these boys did not bear all things today and did not believe or hope or endure.  I lost my focus.  I took my eyes of Jesus and put them on an idol of comfort.  I lost sight of the fact that these boys have been through hell and I expected them to act “right” and just listen and obey.  I forgot that they’ve only known me for 3 weeks and have not had the time to attach to and trust me.  I did not see their pain today.  I did not see their disrupted lives and their need for basic nurture.  I realize that it’s ok to correct behavior that is inappropriate.  I’m a behavior therapist for crying out loud.  But, when I become so self-involved that I do not see that these boys are not typical and should not be expected to “perform” how I think they should then there is a problem.  A heart problem that only the Lord can change.

Today I want a do-over.  I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning, and I’m thankful for His discipline and correction today.  Now, I pray that all of us get some sleep tonight, and I am praising the Lord that Jeff is on his way home!

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Change April 19, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — chippinaway @ 1:23 am

Change seems like an understatement.  EVERYTHING around here has changed.  The house is now “toddlerized” with safety crap stuff everywhere.  I can’t even open our doors sometimes!  Our schedule has changed.  And if you know me, you know schedule and routine are very important.  In fact, they might be idols.  Maybe.  My time with Jeff has changed.  Like, we don’t have any!  We’re learning that we are going to have to be extra creative with when we spend time together and are just going to have to fight off the exhaustion!  Oh, and while going to bed at 9:00pm is not necessarily a change for me, it certainly has become necessary!  Our time with friends has also changed.  We are trying to figure out how to get in quality friend time along with kids bedtimes and what not.  We are parents now.  What!?  Talk about change!  I’m dealing with poop, vomit, screaming, hitting, and what the heck happens to kids after bath?  Crazy!

My heart and mind have also changed.  And this is a huge one, and one I’m thankful to the Lord for.  My thoughts have moved from “I hope these kids get to stay with us” to “I hope these boys and their mom find Jesus and are reunited.”  My heart has been stirred toward their mother, who is facing basically impossible odds, and has grown up in a terrible place.  I have been given compassion for a young, naive mother who made some crappy decisions, has had a crappy life, and is now paying for it with the removal of her kids.  As I see her love them each visit, my heart is moved by her love for them.  She loves them.  They are her babies.  My prayers of protection for my boys are still there, but in addition I am prayerful for their mom.  She has become real to me.  She is needing the same saving grace that I have.  She needs community like I have.  She needs support and it’s not there.  I pray that it comes.

The Lord is teaching me to pray BIG.  He is bigger than this girl’s crappy circumstances.  He is bigger than the pain my boys are feeling.  He is bigger.  He will protect His children and He will protect us.  Don’t get me wrong.  I grieve at the thought of giving up these boys.  But I also grieve at the thought of a young mother losing her babies.  And I’m reminded of a previous post I made when I stated, “it’s not about me.”

 

Adjusting April 5, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — chippinaway @ 6:10 pm
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They boys have been here for 4 days.  Is that all?  In some ways it seems so much longer.  I love them.  I really do.  But these 4 days have been wonderful and extremely difficult at the same time.

Big dude has not trouble sleeping in his room.  He likes all his toys and his chair at the dinner table.  He likes to run around outside and has even learned to “pat pat” the dog.  He loves Jeff.  And he loves his little brother.  He squeals with delight when he sees him after a nap, or in the morning when everyone has woken up.  He has the best smile in the world, and the most awesome curly hair.  We even took him for a haircut today.  He cried.  I laughed.  It was a cherished memory.

Little man is probably the happiest baby in the world.  He only fusses when he’s hungry or tired.  The first night he woke up twice.  The second night he woke up once.  The last 2 nights he’s slept pretty much straight through the night.  He loves to be tickled, he loves to chew on anything, and he loves to chat!  He squeels and coos and it is music to my ears.  He is also well on his way to crawling.  I give him another week and we’ll have to mobile children

Me and Jeff are doing good.  We are tired.  We are emotionally spent.  We are overwhelmed and yet at peace.  Going from no kids to 2 is quite an adjustment, but we are loving it.  Our house if full of squeels and giggles.  As well as spit up and poop.  and it’s awesome. 

All of that sounds so joyous.  But let me tell you.  This has also been the hardest 4 days I’ve ever experienced.  Big dude is old enough to know that his life is disrupted.  He knows his real mom.  He knows I am not it.  He sobbed when we left our visit with her yesterday and my heart broke.  I’ll write another post about visits, but yesterday was a huge eye opening experience for me.  To see their young mom so broken over leaving her kids.  Seeing our sweet, happy, boy sob with crocodile tears rolling down his cheeks, crying for “momma.”  We broke.  We finally saw first hand the brokenness of this.  All around, for mom and kids, this is gross.  She loves her kids.  They love her.  She’s made poor choices and has grown up in a less-than-awesome environment.  The state took her kids.  I hate this for my sweet boys.  I hate this for their young mom.  This is the perfect illustration of our broken world.  I want Jesus to return more now than ever.  Come quickly, Lord.

As you can tell, this is a whirlwind.  Know this, though.  We are more confident than ever about our call to this ministry.  We love those boys and are so thankful to care for them and love them, for however long they are here.  We are confident that God is good, even in a broken situation.  We are confident that we are growing, too.  So much growth in 4 days.  So many laughs.  So many tears.  and so many prayers.  We are blessed.

 

My Boys April 2, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — chippinaway @ 1:46 am

Forgive me for such a short initial post after placement.  But, my boys are here!!  Our 2 sweet boys arrived today, a 6 month old and an 18 month old.  They are beautiful.  Seriously.  Cutest kids ever.  =)

My head is spinning.  I’m sitting here and there are 2 babies asleep in my house!  What?!  Big Dude and Little Man is what I’ll call them on here since I can’t tell you their names.  Oh, and sorry.  No pictures either.  You’ll just have to come see them!!

I will let you know more how things are going soon.  For now, Jeff and I are off work for the next week to just spend time with them and help them transition into our home.  We will be also just trying to figure out a new routine!  Man, kids are a lot of work!  =)

I’m exhausted after day number 1 and just might go to bed at 9.  Wait.  Tha’ts pretty typical.  But, now I have a good excuse!