Change seems like an understatement. EVERYTHING around here has changed. The house is now “toddlerized” with safety
crap stuff everywhere. I can’t even open our doors sometimes! Our schedule has changed. And if you know me, you know schedule and routine are very important. In fact, they might be idols. Maybe. My time with Jeff has changed. Like, we don’t have any! We’re learning that we are going to have to be extra creative with when we spend time together and are just going to have to fight off the exhaustion! Oh, and while going to bed at 9:00pm is not necessarily a change for me, it certainly has become necessary! Our time with friends has also changed. We are trying to figure out how to get in quality friend time along with kids bedtimes and what not. We are parents now. What!? Talk about change! I’m dealing with poop, vomit, screaming, hitting, and what the heck happens to kids after bath? Crazy!
My heart and mind have also changed. And this is a huge one, and one I’m thankful to the Lord for. My thoughts have moved from “I hope these kids get to stay with us” to “I hope these boys and their mom find Jesus and are reunited.” My heart has been stirred toward their mother, who is facing basically impossible odds, and has grown up in a terrible place. I have been given compassion for a young, naive mother who made some crappy decisions, has had a crappy life, and is now paying for it with the removal of her kids. As I see her love them each visit, my heart is moved by her love for them. She loves them. They are her babies. My prayers of protection for my boys are still there, but in addition I am prayerful for their mom. She has become real to me. She is needing the same saving grace that I have. She needs community like I have. She needs support and it’s not there. I pray that it comes.
The Lord is teaching me to pray BIG. He is bigger than this girl’s crappy circumstances. He is bigger than the pain my boys are feeling. He is bigger. He will protect His children and He will protect us. Don’t get me wrong. I grieve at the thought of giving up these boys. But I also grieve at the thought of a young mother losing her babies. And I’m reminded of a previous post I made when I stated, “it’s not about me.”