Wow. This has been a really challenging week. Jeff has been out of town for work since Sunday and I’ve been living the single mom life. The Lord has been so faithful in providing friends to bring food and help with bath and various other things, but man. Exhausted doesn’t seem to quite fit.
I’ve learned a lot this week and I’m hoping some of you other moms out there will varify a few things for me today! I’m going to be completely honest with you and hope that I don’t sound like a mean mom.
Is it just me or are kids super annoying after bath? I mean off-the-wall bouncing, running around crazy, won’t listen to a thing you say, make you want scream type of thing? Is it super mean for me to think my kid is annoying sometimes??? Ah! I feel so bad saying that! Maybe it’s just the “no help with bath” talking, but man. Worst time of the day.
Is it just me or does baby poop smell REALLY bad? I mean, make you wanna gag type of bad. Yuck. Although I will pat myself on the back because I actually touched the poop today and didn’t almost vomit. I call that progress.
Is it just me, or are you abolutely, completely exhausted as soon as the kids go to bed and can’t even imagine doing anything besides watching TV and eating icecream? Chores Schmores!
Ok, and now the biggie. Is it just me, or do you ever want a mommy do-over? Today I want a do-over. I was totally off my game today. I let little things make me mad. I was not patient. I was not in tune to their needs. I was selfish and just wanted the day to be easy. I was reading in The Connected Child today about loving children from hard places. Dr. Purvis (who is a wonderful adoption expert and Christian woman) discussed loving the children like 1 Corinthians says to. Now, this “love” passage is generally, at least in my mind, for loving your spouse and other adults. I don’t know why, but I’ve never thought about it applying to children. The passage reads:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
I was not patient today with big dude kept spitting his milk. I also was certainly resentful when they wouldn’t take naps even though they decided to get up at 5am and none of us had slept in days. I was certainly insistant on my own way, which today seemed to be whatever was easiest and took the least amount of effort. My love for these boys did not bear all things today and did not believe or hope or endure. I lost my focus. I took my eyes of Jesus and put them on an idol of comfort. I lost sight of the fact that these boys have been through hell and I expected them to act “right” and just listen and obey. I forgot that they’ve only known me for 3 weeks and have not had the time to attach to and trust me. I did not see their pain today. I did not see their disrupted lives and their need for basic nurture. I realize that it’s ok to correct behavior that is inappropriate. I’m a behavior therapist for crying out loud. But, when I become so self-involved that I do not see that these boys are not typical and should not be expected to “perform” how I think they should then there is a problem. A heart problem that only the Lord can change.
Today I want a do-over. I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning, and I’m thankful for His discipline and correction today. Now, I pray that all of us get some sleep tonight, and I am praising the Lord that Jeff is on his way home!