Chippin' Away

Moving one day, one minute, one step at a time.

Thoughts on adoption July 11, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — chippinaway @ 6:30 pm

We got the news.  We have an adoption date.  It’s right around the corner.  My brain is spinning.  A flood of emotion comes over me and I sit and marinate on what is happening.

I am thrilled of course!  I am getting 3 daughters.  3 girls that I love dearly.  But they are getting a new mother.  Which means they are losing an old mother.  The problem is, nobody is gone.  Nobody died to make these girls orphans.  No one in their family stepped up to take care of them when their mother couldn’t.  There is family out there.  There are aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents.  There are people my 6 year-old remembers and talks about that live less than 10 miles from our house.  These are the people that make up her family.  And now, we make up her family.  We are saying “hello”.  She is saying, “goodbye.”  Why is a Beatles song coming to mind right now?

Jeff brought down a bin from the attic that contained all the clothes the girls came with.  The girls have a few things in our home such as blankets and stuffed animals that we washed and keep around for them and that they, especially Miss 6, are attached to.  But this is the stuff that we couldn’t use.  Or look at.  Or smell.  This is the beginning of our girls’ lives.  I grieve for them.  I grieve for their mother.  I grieve for myself that I didn’t get to be there when they were born, named, and brought home for the first time.

The longer I walk in the journey of adoption and journey of walking with the Lord, the more I learn (and relearn) that joy comes out of sorrow.  That dancing comes out of mourning.  That beauty comes out of darkness.  That healing comes out of pain.  Jesus’ death on the cross was not pretty.  It was brutal murder complete with beatings, thorns, spit, and nails.  It was bloody.  But, he endured the cross “for the joy set before him” (Hebrews 12:2).  Out of His suffering came the joy that we have to share, as heirs, His inheritance.  We have a right standing before God, as believers.  His suffering brought the ultimate joy.

My girls’ stories, as short as they are, were birthed out of sorrow.  Their stories are full of pain and heartache.  Lack of food, lack of nurture, lack of jobs and money.  Lack of education and good role models.  Lack of good decisions.  If you type or say “lack” enough times it just starts to sound like “yuck.”  Which is pretty much what it is.  Yuck.

But, I believe with all I have that this is not the end for them or their family.  This is the beginning of redemption.  This is the story that the Lord is writing and we get to be characters in.  He is already at work in their hearts and ours.  I pray for their mother, that she will be enlightened to the gospel and that her children will reach others to the glory of God Almighty.  I pray that we have answers for hard questions, and that we can teach them that, even when answers elude us, God is good, God is sovereign, and He has a plan that will, in time, be revealed to us.

Adoption is not all butterflies and rainbows.  It is messy.  It’s sad.  It’s hard.  But it is joyous.  It is miraculous.  It is beautiful.  It is a picture of God.

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So, how are things? July 5, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — chippinaway @ 9:30 pm

A lot of people have been asking me this question lately. It’s such a difficult question because so, so much goes on around here each day, and every day seems to bring new victories and challenges. We are dealing with 3 kids, a wide age range, and a pregnant mommy. Things can get pretty crazy around here!

I’m very protective of my girls, and while I will not share specific details about their stories on here, I will tell you that my kids are dealing with grief. And it’s very hard.

Miss 6 is probably the one that this whole thing effects the most. She is the oldest and the only one that has real memories of her mom and dad. Overall, she is doing really well. She seems like a totally normal kid most of the time: singing, dancing, talking back, rolling eyes, climbing, swinging, being silly. But, once in a while, the fact that she’s not “normal” come up. She recently had a very difficult time and cried and cried because she misses her mom. Honestly, I wonder if that is harder for her or me. I know, I know. That sounds ridiculous. But hear me out here. She is expressing her emotions. She’s communicating her hurts. She’s trusting me and Jeff to enter into her world of grief. This is a very good and healthy thing for us as a family and shows that she is doing quite well. I, on the other hand, still can’t figure out what to do with the flood of emotions that follows an episode like that. I’m feeling sad because my child is sad. I’m feeling mad that she had to go through all this to begin with. I’m feeling defensive because I’m her mommy and want that to just be enough. I’m feeling guilty for feeling defensive. I’m feeling and feeling and feeling and that gets exhausting after a while. Of course, carrying an extra 15 pounds around doesn’t help the exhaustion!! Ha! But, seriously, she is doing really well and it’s amazing to see the Lord working in her heart. After having an exceptionally rough day with behavior, she said the dinner prayer and said, “God, help me to have a good day tomorrow, and to be more like Jesus.” Go ahead and cry. I did.

Miss 2 and Miss 1 are doing great. Miss 2 is a chatter box all day long and is constantly busy! She loves to sing Jesus Loves Me and Goodnight Sweetheart. Miss 1 is learning to talk, and is making progress with pulling up and learning to stand. She’s probably changed the most out of all of them!

I realize that this is a complete and total word vomit of a blog. But I’ve received a lot of “how’s it going” texts and e-mails lately and am trying to give the best answer I can come up with. Overall, things are really great. We are looking to finalize adoption of the girls by August and we have a new addition coming in November. We are loving living in Austin, are really thankful Jeff’s parents live here now, and I’m pretty much happy if I can make it through the day without a nap and having cleaned at least one thing in the house!

The Lord continues to bless us and help us with all the crazy things going on around here! We love you all and thank you for all you support!