We got the news. We have an adoption date. It’s right around the corner. My brain is spinning. A flood of emotion comes over me and I sit and marinate on what is happening.
I am thrilled of course! I am getting 3 daughters. 3 girls that I love dearly. But they are getting a new mother. Which means they are losing an old mother. The problem is, nobody is gone. Nobody died to make these girls orphans. No one in their family stepped up to take care of them when their mother couldn’t. There is family out there. There are aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. There are people my 6 year-old remembers and talks about that live less than 10 miles from our house. These are the people that make up her family. And now, we make up her family. We are saying “hello”. She is saying, “goodbye.” Why is a Beatles song coming to mind right now?
Jeff brought down a bin from the attic that contained all the clothes the girls came with. The girls have a few things in our home such as blankets and stuffed animals that we washed and keep around for them and that they, especially Miss 6, are attached to. But this is the stuff that we couldn’t use. Or look at. Or smell. This is the beginning of our girls’ lives. I grieve for them. I grieve for their mother. I grieve for myself that I didn’t get to be there when they were born, named, and brought home for the first time.
The longer I walk in the journey of adoption and journey of walking with the Lord, the more I learn (and relearn) that joy comes out of sorrow. That dancing comes out of mourning. That beauty comes out of darkness. That healing comes out of pain. Jesus’ death on the cross was not pretty. It was brutal murder complete with beatings, thorns, spit, and nails. It was bloody. But, he endured the cross “for the joy set before him” (Hebrews 12:2). Out of His suffering came the joy that we have to share, as heirs, His inheritance. We have a right standing before God, as believers. His suffering brought the ultimate joy.
My girls’ stories, as short as they are, were birthed out of sorrow. Their stories are full of pain and heartache. Lack of food, lack of nurture, lack of jobs and money. Lack of education and good role models. Lack of good decisions. If you type or say “lack” enough times it just starts to sound like “yuck.” Which is pretty much what it is. Yuck.
But, I believe with all I have that this is not the end for them or their family. This is the beginning of redemption. This is the story that the Lord is writing and we get to be characters in. He is already at work in their hearts and ours. I pray for their mother, that she will be enlightened to the gospel and that her children will reach others to the glory of God Almighty. I pray that we have answers for hard questions, and that we can teach them that, even when answers elude us, God is good, God is sovereign, and He has a plan that will, in time, be revealed to us.
Adoption is not all butterflies and rainbows. It is messy. It’s sad. It’s hard. But it is joyous. It is miraculous. It is beautiful. It is a picture of God.