A lot of people have been asking me this question lately. It’s such a difficult question because so, so much goes on around here each day, and every day seems to bring new victories and challenges. We are dealing with 3 kids, a wide age range, and a pregnant mommy. Things can get pretty crazy around here!
I’m very protective of my girls, and while I will not share specific details about their stories on here, I will tell you that my kids are dealing with grief. And it’s very hard.
Miss 6 is probably the one that this whole thing effects the most. She is the oldest and the only one that has real memories of her mom and dad. Overall, she is doing really well. She seems like a totally normal kid most of the time: singing, dancing, talking back, rolling eyes, climbing, swinging, being silly. But, once in a while, the fact that she’s not “normal” come up. She recently had a very difficult time and cried and cried because she misses her mom. Honestly, I wonder if that is harder for her or me. I know, I know. That sounds ridiculous. But hear me out here. She is expressing her emotions. She’s communicating her hurts. She’s trusting me and Jeff to enter into her world of grief. This is a very good and healthy thing for us as a family and shows that she is doing quite well. I, on the other hand, still can’t figure out what to do with the flood of emotions that follows an episode like that. I’m feeling sad because my child is sad. I’m feeling mad that she had to go through all this to begin with. I’m feeling defensive because I’m her mommy and want that to just be enough. I’m feeling guilty for feeling defensive. I’m feeling and feeling and feeling and that gets exhausting after a while. Of course, carrying an extra 15 pounds around doesn’t help the exhaustion!! Ha! But, seriously, she is doing really well and it’s amazing to see the Lord working in her heart. After having an exceptionally rough day with behavior, she said the dinner prayer and said, “God, help me to have a good day tomorrow, and to be more like Jesus.” Go ahead and cry. I did.
Miss 2 and Miss 1 are doing great. Miss 2 is a chatter box all day long and is constantly busy! She loves to sing Jesus Loves Me and Goodnight Sweetheart. Miss 1 is learning to talk, and is making progress with pulling up and learning to stand. She’s probably changed the most out of all of them!
I realize that this is a complete and total word vomit of a blog. But I’ve received a lot of “how’s it going” texts and e-mails lately and am trying to give the best answer I can come up with. Overall, things are really great. We are looking to finalize adoption of the girls by August and we have a new addition coming in November. We are loving living in Austin, are really thankful Jeff’s parents live here now, and I’m pretty much happy if I can make it through the day without a nap and having cleaned at least one thing in the house!
The Lord continues to bless us and help us with all the crazy things going on around here! We love you all and thank you for all you support!