I realize it’s been ages since I’ve posted anything. But, let’s just be honest. There is a ton of stuff going on around here. We have newly adopted kids, a 34 week pregnant mommy, a super busy husband trying to get work stuff done before baby arrives, and did I mention a 34 week pregnant mommy? I’m tired. I’d even say exhausted. So tired, in fact, that I cry a lot. Like a lot. It’s probably partly hormones, partly exhaustion, partly stress, and partly I’m like my mom and we cry over everything. But this latest cry was seriously from Jesus.
Jeff took Marisol to gymnastics tonight and so I was left with Bella (Miss 2) and Addie (baby girl who is now 16 months old). We were playing a little and then getting ready for bed. I put the baby down first and then I got Bella in her pajamas and into bed. Now, if you haven’t met sweet Bella, you need to know something. She’s funny. Like, laugh out loud, totally hilarious. I got to laughing so hard at her that I cried. And if you know me, you know that’s bad. Because the tears don’t stop. For a long time. I lost it. I cried and cried and Bella kept saying “I sowwy mommy” and that made me laugh and then cry some more. I got myself under control long enough to sing bedtime songs with my sweet Bella girl. She loves to sing Jesus Loves Me. So we did. And I lost it again. I lost it on the line that says “They are weak, but He is strong.”
Y’all. I need to hear that more than any 2 year old. Things have been rough around here. I have a 7 year old that is grieving the loss of her family. She says hurtful things, throws fits, and says more hurtful things. I have an almost 3 year old old that gives me a run for my money every day and I have a 16 month old super needy youngest child. And I’m super pregnant with number 4. I have been pulling my hair out trying to keep it all together. Act like I know what I’m doing. Put on this “everything is great” front that is just not true. Don’t get me wrong. Things are great most of the time. But also extremely hard. The last month has been the hardest we’ve had and I’m tired. As I sang those words tonight, Jesus spoke to me. He told me I don’t have it together. (duh). He told me I won’t ever have it all together. (dangit). He told me I’m not perfect, will never be perfect, and will surely mess up. He told me I’m weak. He is strong. He told me that all the mistakes I’ve made in the last month (and months) are covered by Him. My kids are weak. But He is strong. He is strong for them always. Especially when I can’t be. And won’t be. And refuse to be.
Adoption is hard. Parenting is hard. Hearing your kid say mean things to you is hard. But God is strong. I’m weak more than I’m strong. He’s strong always. My kids are weak. He is strong. My flesh is weak. He is strong. My attempts at doing this thing are weak at best. But He is strong.
Thank you Jesus. You are strong.