It’s been 4 months since the baby came. In some ways that seems like just yesterday, and in some ways it feels he’s been here forever. Obviously, my lack of blog posts should tell you, it’s been a busy 4 months. The hospital stay was traumatic enough for all of us, and then just add in daily life with 5 and, well, you have the makings of crazy. But, it’s time for an update.
For the last couple of months we have been told that it would be “highly likely” that baby boy would be going home to live with his biological parents. We hoped for a different outcome, but prepared our hearts, and our children, for the “highly likely” outcome should we find ourselves facing it. Just a couple of days ago, we learned that he would, indeed, be going home. Now, before you react, stay with me here.
With a return home, the baby will be monitored for a few months, and then if the state sees fit, he will stay permanently. A return-to-monitor brings with it a plethora of it’s own “highly likelies.” It is “highly likely” that the return will fail. That’s just in the statistics. But for our family, it brings more. It’s highly likely my kids will flip. It’s highly likely that this momma will flip. It’s highly likely that this summer is going to be hard for all of us as we adjust to life without baby. It’s highly likely that my daughters will have plenty of hard questions about baby, their birth mom, and their own stories. It’s highly likely that our house will be flooded with tears. Well, you get the idea.
The thing about “highly likely” is that it isn’t certain. It’s chance. If we are living in the highly likely scenario, then when we say “I hope this doesn’t happen” or “I hope this does happen” we are banking on chance. Not certainty.
But there is a hope that it is certain. It’s my hope in Jesus. The Lord brought to mind a story from the Old Testament that I haven’t though about in years, the story of Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego. Here’s a paraphrase: These men faced a very scary situation. They were given the ultimatum, worship a golden image or face death in a fiery furnace. When King Nebuchadnezzar said, “who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?”, their reply is actually astonishing. They say, “…we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” Then, when they are case in the furnace, the King sees 4 people in there instead of 3. The fourth man is described “like a song of the gods.”
You see, these men believed they could be delivered from that furnace if God wanted to do that. But if he chose not to, their faith was certain that they were worshipping the one true God. Jesus was there with them in the fire, and He was there with them when they got out. And you know what? He was with them before they even were put in the fire.
We are not promised a life without fires. In fact, scripture makes it quite clear to expect trials of many kinds. We are not promised to be delivered from those fires either. Does God have the power to do so? Yes. Does He always choose to? No. But He does always choose to walk with us. He’s before the fire, during the fire, and after the fire. His ways are not ours, but His ways are good.
So, that’s what I’m clinging to. I might have to fight to believe it, but I will continue to fight. I will fight to believe He is good. I will fight to believe He’s good. I will fight to believe He loves my family. I will fight to believe He loves baby boy. I will fight to believe He loves their biological mom. I will fight. Because regardless of if God delivers me from the fire now, or delivers me from it when I go home to glory, He wins. The war is already over. And I will continue to fight in the battles. I have hope in the highly unlikely. His name is Jesus.
*please don’t comment negatively about my childrens’ biological mom or the circumstances we are in. I love her deeply and pray for her soul to be won*